halo braiding: under middle for dutch, over middle for french.

tutorial: straightened braid waves

 When I had originally tried this on my hair, it didn't work very well. I tried it in a variety of ways and shared what worked best. The other day I had the urge to try this again in a way I hadn't tried before. The results? It was easy aaaand my hair went from super straight to wavy in no time! Here is what you do...

1. Braid your hair into several braids. I have pretty thick hair and only needed 6 braids. If you have thin hair, maybe try 4 braids. I just used clear elastics to secure the braids at the end.

2. Loosen the braids A LOT. I made mine as flat as possible. It was like a thin sheet of braid.

3. Starting from the top of the braid, clamp your straightener down. Hold it in place for a second and then open it up, move it down and clamp again. Repeat until you reach the end of the braid and then repeat on all braids.

4. Once the braids have cooled, spray with hairspray if you have some that you like. Then unbraid all of your braids.

5. Run your fingers through the braids to loosen the waves and do a quick tease with your fingers at the root of your hair to create some more body.'

Don't Get Defensive: Communication Tips for the Vigilant

When we get defensive, we make it that much harder for our conversational counterparts to hear what we're saying. We also make it harder to really listen to what they have to say. Soon, we're shadow-boxing, defending ourselves against attacks that aren't real, and wasting energy-and relationship capital-on damage control instead of solving the problem at hand.

This post originally appeared on Harvard Business Review.

If you get hooked into defensiveness-and most of us do-you probably already know it. It's likely come up in conversations with your boss or your spouse. And when it did, you probably got defensive about being defensive. After all, it felt like you were being attacked! What else were you supposed to do?

Well, I'll tell you. It's a procedure I call "three strikes and you're in." After someone has said something that causes you to arch your back and want to become defensive:

Strike 1

Think of the first thing you want to say or do and don't do that. Instead, take a deep breath. That is because the first thing you want to do is defend yourself against what you perceive as an attack, slight, or offense.

Strike 2

Think of the second thing you want to say or do and don't do that, either. Take a second breath. That is because the second thing you want to do after being attacked is to retaliate. That is only going to escalate matters.

Strike 3

Think of the third thing you want to say or do and then do that. That is because once you get past defending yourself and retaliating, you have a better chance of seeking a solution.

The main reason to stop getting defensive is that it usually triggers the same response in the other person. If instead you look for ways to be more solution-oriented, you will soon find yourself on your way to more cooperation and collaboration. If you're struggling with what that non-defensive, non-retaliatory, solution-oriented statement might be, focus on being a "plusser." A plusser is someone who listens to what the other person says and then builds on it.

One way of plussing is to use the phrase, "Say more about ______." Think of the words they used that had the most emphasis and invite them to say more about that topic. You will buy yourself time to think and calm down, let your counterpart feel heard, and disarm a counterpart who has bad intentions. Another way to do it is to say, "If we do that, what would be the next step to keep it going?" or "If we do this, what would be the way to get the most out of it?"

Similarly, you can replace "yes, but" with "yes, and." As you probably know, when you say, "yes, but" they hear, "Everything up to now was just being polite and should be disregarded; now I'm going to tell you what the real deal is and you better pay attention." (Isn't it amazing how "yes, but" can mean so much more?). "Yes, and" validates what has been said-and adds to it. For example, "Yes, that's a good point and to make it work even better..." or "Yes, I heard everything you said and help me figure out the way to make sure it gets incorporated..."

If you often find yourself in defensive conversations where you can't figure out why you're arguing-if you find yourself frequently saying, "Hey, I think we actually agree here..."- you might be guilty of saying "yes, but" when you actually mean "yes, and." But what if the person is genuinely unfairly attacking you? What if they've said something you really believe is untrue-you can't say "yes and," or "say more about ____" in that case, can you?

In that case, you might try a "controlled confrontation." You do this by pausing after they speak for a full count of three in your head. This will both take the conversation away from escalating and may cause the other person to become nervous. If they do, that will work in your favor. When you don't take the bait, they are in unfamiliar territory and this can have a slightly disarming effect. At that point, look them squarely, calmly, and firmly in the eye and say, "Whoa! Let's each take a breath here because I am feeling very reactive and I know until I calm down a bit, whatever I say or do now will only make this conversation worse. And I am not going to do that."

Then take that breath and say, "Okay, what's clear to me is that something is frustrating you. What, in your mind's eye, would you like me to do to make that frustration go away? If it's doable and fair to you and me and everyone it affects and in their best interest, I think I'll be happy to oblige. If however it isn't fair or in everyone's best interest, I'm going to have a problem going along with it." Then be quiet, let them respond, and if it doesn't seem fair and in everyone's best interest say, "I'm having some difficulty understanding how that will be fair to everyone and in their best interests. Perhaps you can explain otherwise or we can brainstorm on how to make it so."

By being unflappable and standing up for the principles of fairness, and reason, and mutual best interest, you will be better able to stand up for what's right-and stand up to them in a way that is neither defensive or provoking.

The Science Behind Posture and How It Affects Your Brain

I'll confess up front: I have terrible posture. It's been bad since I was in high school at least, and probably for even longer than that. It's one of those things I keep in the back of my mind as something I know I should do, but never get around to, like eating more vegetables and sending more postcards.

The way we stand, sit, and walk, actually has more longer reaching implications on our mood and happiness than we thought. The latest studies reveal it:

Shaking Your Head Will Affect Your Opinion

Body language is closely related to posture-the way we move our bodies affects how others see us as well as our own moods and habits. In terms of scientific research, the two overlap quite a bit. This isn't too surprising, but how our posture and body language affect our thoughts is.

For instance, a study at Ohio State University in 2003 found that our opinions can be subsconsciously influenced by our physical behavior. Here are two fascinating examples:

• When participants in the study nodded in agreements or shook their heads to signal disagreement, these actions affected their opinionswithout them realizing.
• The same study also showed that when participants hugged themselves, they were sometimes able to reduce their physical pain.

Dutch behavioral scientist Erik Peper has done extensive research into this area, as well. He regularly makes participants in his classes stand up and stretch, for similar reasons why exercise has been linked to happiness, like here:

Here are three fascinating things that happened once our posture changes:

1. For example, when we sit up straight, we are more likely to remember positive memories or think of something positive in general, according to this experiment.
2. Another insight was that if we skip during breaks, we can significantly increase our energy levels. A slow, slumped walk on the other hand, can do the exact opposite and drain us of our energy.
3. The study also found that those who were most affected by depression before the study found their energy drained more than others.

So Erik Peper is convinced (and I am, too) that we should keep a careful eye on our posture and body language-lest it bring us down without us realizing.

Posture Changes Our Hormones

When we talk more broadly of body language, as opposed to good posture, we can actually see the affects it has on relationships right throughout the animal kingdom. In particular, body language is used to express power, through expansive postures (i.e. spreading out your limbs and opening up your body) and large body size (or the simple perception of large body size).

You might know about Amy Cuddy's famous Ted Talk and her incredible insights on how posture changes our hormone levels. Well, some even more recent studies took this even further. A study by researchers from Columbia and Harvard Universities showed that body language symbolizing power can actually affect our decision-making, subconsciously. The researchers measured the appetite for risk of participants in either expansive, powerful poses, or contricted poses (occupying minimal space, keeping limbs close to the body). Those in the powerful poses not only felt more powerful and in control, but were 45% more likely to take a risky bet.

Plus, the study used saliva samples to prove that expansive postures actually altered the participants' hormone levels-decreasing cortisol (C) and increasing testosterone (T):

This neuroendocrine profile of High T and Low C has been consistently linked to such outcomes as disease resistance and leadership abilities.

So clearly, our posture has more to do with our minds we might have thought. And in fact, it seems like our bodies come first-when we alter our posture and body language, it subconsciously influences our thinking and decision-making.

THERE'S NO "ONE BEST" POSTURE

So if you want to take advantage of these proven benefits to live a healthier and happier life, where should you start? We know that there is a large amount of different areas that can be painful when we have bad posture. Here's just a short list of them:

Unfortunately there's not a whole lot of research into how exactly to adopt good posture-a lot of what we know tends to come from being told to "sit up straight" as children. A study in 1999, however, found that sitting at an angle of 110-130 degrees is optimal for spine comfort, and another in 2007 showed that leaning back at 135 degrees is ideal for preventing back strain.

Not only is a position like this difficult to measure and maintain (do you know precisely what angle you're sitting at right now?), not everyone agrees. The team at LUMOback have created a posture sensor that you can wear around your waist during the day to help you develop better posture. The device watches for slouching and shifting to the side, and vibrates to remind you to sit up straight.

The team, which includes a doctor and a data scientist (as well as a medical advisor), doesn't advise the leaning-back position for your workday. Instead, they maintain firstly that "the best posture is always the next posture," or in other words, always keep moving:

We know that many of us have jobs that do require us to spend time working at desks, so knowing how to sit and stand with good posture is certainly important and beneficial to one's health and well-being. That said, the human body was built to move, not spend 8 hours at a computer.

While many of the apps and devices designed to track our daily activity focus on workouts and regular exercise routines, LUMOback is more focused on small, regular bursts of movement:

Walking around helps your body to reset itself into healthy posture, so make a point to get up from your desk at least twice an hour.

When it actually comes to posture, the LUMOback team recommends a neutral pelvic postion-i.e. sitting up straight. They promote this posture particularly for times when we're sedentary for long periods, like sitting at our desks all day:

When you maintain a neutral pelvic position with a straight and upright back, the vertebrae in your back are nicely aligned. This takes a lot of pressure off of your spine and back muscles, which can reduce back pain.

Here's an image from the study that promotes leaning back at 135o:

As the LUMOback team points out, while this is beneficial for your lower back (if you manage to keep it straight), your upper back and neck will suffer if you try to maintain this position while working.

In an office setting, you're likely to have to crane your neck to see your computer screen and strain your upper back and shoulders to reach a keyboard. Thus, any potential lower back benefits of a reclined position are outweighed by the negative impacts on your upper back and neck.

For now, I'm going to give sitting up straight a go. If nothing else, at least I know it will probably put me in a good mood!

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