3 Simple Ways to Relate Lovingly Everyday

Each partner has to give 100 per cent in order for a relationship to work.

Look at your relationship as a verb not a noun. It is something that you are doing everyday rather than a ship you are sailing on. You are in a relationship for as long as you are relating with this person. And if you are doing so lovingly then you are in a good relationship! Whose responsibility is a relationship? Is it 50-50? 80-20? In my opinion, each partner has to give 100 per cent in order for a relationship to work. Partnership requires a 100 per cent commitment from each person.

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1. "Want to" Vs "Have to"
Relationships are "created" and do not exist until two people unite in a common purpose. The only purpose that can work is "to commit to relating with each other in a loving and positive way." You make a choice to continue to relate with another person so that each of you can meet your life goals and attain personal growth. If you have children, then creating a loving environment would be one of the common purposes.

When you know that you want to be with this person more than you want anything else in the world, then everything you do for each other and to keep your life together harmonious will come from desire and a true "want" instead of a compulsion or a "have-to". You will not have anything to complain about.

2. Respond Vs React
Learning to respond with your "goal" in mind rather than reacting angrily or defensively to each other is essential. The said "goal" is "to relate with this person lovingly everyday". So the next time your partner pushes your buttons or says something that almost invokes an impulsive reaction, wait and think about that goal.

"A reaction is automatic, not thought through consequentially, whereas a response is chosen. Between an action and its reaction there is a space, and in that space is the opportunity to choose. Responding is using that space to make that choice and to do or say what will get you closer to your goal"

Choosing to respond in a sensitive manner to the feelings of your partner is a priceless habit to form in order to have a loving relationship.

3. Selfish Vs Selfless
All this is different from letting your partner walk all over you. No one wants to be a doormat, or be involved in a relationship with a pushover. So it is your responsibility to take care of "Number 1" – you. Remember the analogy of placing the oxygen mask on yourself first when travelling with kids? You cannot be there for anyone unless you look after yourself first.


Being selfish simply means taking responsibility for yourself, which is far more commendable than being a victim and blaming others and your circumstances for your situation. When you are selfish in this way, only then can the people around you be happy too. Sometimes, you may realise that in fact, "giving" your partner what they want instead of being stubborn about what you want, will often in fact make YOU happy.

There is a delicate balance between giving freely and thinking of our own needs. This is the trickiest relationship skill to master, but perhaps the most rewarding.